Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge the great irony inherent in the writing of this article. It is completely a product of procrastination as all of the subsequent articles written by me will without a doubt be. Though I criticize the decision to actually procrastinate, I truly do owe it much credit for it has given me bouts of creativity after countless “work” sessions of staring at a blank page. The incessant ticking of a clock serves to nag my conscious into frenzied action where the only things in the world are my keyboard and myself. For this reason, I will never change my ways. 

In the course of every student’s career they will come across an assignment in which no part of them wants to complete. Whether it be an annoying topic or sheer laziness the precedent still stands that a moment similar to this will inevitably arise. When they are confronted by this, two options appear: to either soldier on and finish the assignment or procrastinate.  

When choosing the first option the student is choosing the most rational, logical course of action. Why wait to complete tasks? If they have it open in front of them there is no reason for them to put it off. No reason for undue stress to be piled on to them or lose their train of thought. If you are this type of person, I applaud you for your constitution and resilience in the face of adversity. However, this article is about procrastination and I doubt there are any people like this in the world anyway. And if you are, you might be a robot. 

When the choice for the assignment is procrastination, it is important to realize that there is no real way to rationalize or justify it. It is, in essence, laziness. Nothing more and nothing less. Once this cognitive hurdle is crossed then the real fun can begin.  

First, sitting and doing nothing (while very effective at achieving the goal of not completing the assignment) is really boring. So, as a way to curb the monotonous act of sitting, during the process you should carry out mindless tasks such as watching YouTube videos. If that’s not so much your style, talk to friends or play a game. Perform anything completely unrelated to what you should actually be doing.  

If you followed the first step correctly it should be around ten O’clock at night and no work should be done. Theoretically, this is now the time where you realize a grave mistake has been made on your part. You start to curse yourself, the assignment, and the world as a whole. This, my friends, is the secret to finishing the work before the due date. Use this negative energy and self-deprecation created by yourself to motivate you into completing the work with speed and efficiency.  

If all goes to plan your mental state will be primed for work. Your brain working as both a dictionary and encyclopedia will be relaying information to your hands faster than they can react. Before you know it, you make the last key stroke and submit the assignment; a prideful lump forming in your throat. Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I could’ve waited till eleven to start, you think, thus solidifying and continuing the vicious cycle of procrastination. 

Editors Note: In the true spirit of this article, this was submitted by Anthony back on October 10th, but we just got around to publishing it today.

Our bad.