“Where did you get your lanyard from…?” I stuttered —and she laughed.  

“From one of our friends?” She replied with a smile, playing with the anime themed lanyard that was around her neck. Oh…. Well, that didn’t go as planned.

I was never good when talking to people. Usually, I do my work in silence but I found myself trying to make a conversation which was completely out of the ordinary for me. I was nervous to the bone. What was I supposed to talk about? Would she find me annoying? These questions ran through my head like a train. It felt like this was the biggest conversation of my life … and it was, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

Anxiety can draw color out of even the brightest people. For example, I tried to hide most of my interests because I knew most didn’t like them. So, it was my surprise to hear that she knew what I was talking about. This one simple and seemingly unimportant conversation then become everything to me. 

The moment I sat down in my seat, everything was black and white. No color could be seen through my eyes. There was no more light shining through the dark browns of my eyes. Yet, I was okay with how not that much mattered to me at the time. There may as well have been a rain cloud above me as I walked through the school, tired and with no energy to make it through the day. I sat down in my seat as I put my head down on my table. The muscles in my body couldn’t even hold my head; my strength had washed away along with the color. However, I was already told to move and sit with people that I don’t even know.

I hated that.

I hated talking to people because I saw no joy in it, the black and white mindset consumed me to the point that I had no desire to change the way I think or see. Just black and white. Little did I know that this one class would save me from my own thoughts. 

Big pieces of paper covered the table.  This was followed by paints, water, and brushes of different sizes, with the table surrounded by unknown faces. My second to last class of the day: Art. Frankly, it was the only class I didn’t want to curl up in a ball and cry not to avoid; the only class that gave me a break from the bullet of words that hit me when I got home. Even if I didn’t know how to appreciate the color with in it, it was calming nonetheless. But now I was forced to be around people that I didn’t even know? I guess you can’t escape everything…  

I sat at the new table with my group as the teacher explained the project to the class: paint and draw whatever you wanted so long as it was Christmas themed. Simple enough. I didn’t talk much at the beginning. This was mainly because I didn’t know how. During class, I kept my head down, grabbed an array of art equipment. I was anxiously thinking to myself, since the last thing I wanted was to embarrass myself in front of others. I kept glancing at this one girl who sat across from me. Purple hair and hazel eyes. Those were the first two colors I saw besides black and white. I didn’t know why or how, but I found myself nervous in a good way.  I saw colors. And by some miracle, I was able to start a conversation.  

That one conversation changed everything for me. Day by day, I felt the colors. The more I spent time with that girl, the more happiness and hope returned. I never would have thought I could be so emotionally attached to someone who has done nothing but help me improve myself and get me where I am today. I honestly don’t think I would be here if it wasn’t for her.

That’s why it’s important for people to push outside of their comfort zone and keep looking for the bright side of life. There’s more to life than the challenges that it puts us through.  This story is my way to share this experience so others can find the color in their life, and as a thank you the purple haired girl who was able to save the monochrome girl that I used to be and being some color into her life. Don’t lose your hope, that color will always find a way to repaint your views one way or another.